As usual every of the day...I move out to a nearby cave where a rock have formed a natural chair for me to sit...
I got there one beautiful evening only to meet a black middle aged man sitting there lost in deep thought.
Me: hello
The Stranger : (looked at me and replied with two fingers)
Me: felt embarrassed... Hey penspeaks...✍🏾
The Stranger (look at me) Khannan black
*Me: that sounds like a stage name or nick, anyway i am an award winner, A poet and  a writer.
Khannan black: Penspeaks?...award winning 😀(chuckles).
Me: (mad) how can you say that? you know what I went through to get the ******* glass...I had to figure out something within 6 hours , challenged someone I haven't met or seen before... I just met him at d contest ground for d first time..wait! By the way who do u think you are? A sort of genius?
Come I have to convince judges I know nothing about that am d best...and u call et trash?...
Khannan black: (laughed) like you I always wanted an applaud when I've barely achieved little...but... *#penspeaks#*
Can I get your attention...
Have seen people fall in love,Right in front, and have also heard stories that touch about how it stopped before it even started.
I mean dreams that got aborted before even waking up from d sleep...
But who's the best to tell you this story? If not whom bitter experiences has taught sweet lessons.
Hello! I am a writer and just like every other writers, sometimes I feel lonely. Its not by choice but just maybe its because I never get satisfied or maybe its because I want it all so much that I go after everything than everybody else and I end up having nothing at all.
People look at me from afar and they make up stories in their head, but I tell you the truth, they are like failed messages because they don't just get it. They seem to know more about me than I even know about myself. But i, don't really care because I don't wanna accumulate skeletons in my shelf.
I just pray that if my mom ever falls I should be there to catch her first, if she ever cry I should be there to wipe her tears, if she ever couldn't go on I should be there to hold her hands cus that's my biggest fear that I wouldn't make it to the height where I can lift her to the cloud to see a better world than the one she has fought for me to get.
My fears, that if she ever falls I will be down there found wanting for some extra space or for some extra air or for some extra bite to swallow.
They tell me I need God, I know I do, I believe in Christ the kind true. But sometimes I don't even fear that maybe I wouldn't make heaven
I mean if I can't do anything for this heaven of a family I have right now, then what have I really done to deserve Gods own heaven?.
And sometimes I'm forced to ask what if God isn't real? See I swear I have fears that all the prayers mom has ever made have been in vain, that maybe it's normal for the sun to come out when it rains, that maybe weeping shouldn't only last for the night maybe it should go on throughout the day.
And there a lot of people think am doing this for fame. See the fame is really exhausting I must say. We just hope the money comes some big. I know money cannot buy you happiness but i've heard that my dad smile whenever am around.
Money cannot buy you love, that's what they say but sometimes that saying gets me lost Cuz lately this ladies have been saying they will rather ride in a Lamborghini than under a hot scotching sun. And money seems to get that problem solved. So just pay attention to this, struggles of mine. Although the pain feels confine but like a cancer it's taking up the whole of my mind. Sometimes I try to go back to my room, but there seems to be no connection. Maybe because I feel am just a ghost of myself and am not the missing part of the puzzle selection.
Maybe because my life is like a horror movie when I look to the mirror and I saw I wasn't close to my final destination And going back would be a wrong turn, so am just stuck in this direction. But what if I told you that I too haven't really been paying attention.
Cuz I had fire in my eyes, if you look closely you could see heaven inside, but I was at war with myself. It was suffocating going up and down like a wavelength, it took the sole of my mind. Could you believe I used to think I had it all figured out but I messed up, I succumb to the pressure, I fear I couldn't get back up, only a little time again did I start to crawl, Dad said I was made to be a lion that I should roar, but I don't know what happen, Cuz my voice feel the doubt, mama said I was made to be an eagle that I should Soar, but somewhere along the line I chicken doubt. They told me the sky is big enough for all birds to fly, but no one ever told me that not all birds can fly. I should have known this from the start maybe then I would have realize that not every one is meant to be a king. So we are just pawns in this chess game.
So put yourself in my shoes maybe you will try out a lot of times and you failed, but failure isn't failure unless you quit that's what they'll say, so maybe we are just pawns in this chess game but a lucky pawn can get to the end of the chess board and become queen. I guess that's enough reason for us to keep trying, so I am trying, but I don't know about you.
But I'm ready for a take over...
*Me*: (brought out an handkerchief to wipe my tears)...(look straight into the eyes of this genius and gave him a hug)
The End...
From the desk of the C.E.O penspeaks spoken word...
Signed° Akinlaja Judah™
Thanks to Khannan black for the inspiration